From webmaster at dribbleglass.com Wed Sep 7 19:38:49 2005 From: webmaster at dribbleglass.com (Scott Roeben) Date: Wed Sep 7 19:41:14 2005 Subject: Distractions Galore at Dribbleglass.com Message-ID: <02d501c5b405$4c5f7e50$88736844@DJ7WJQ21> Greetings and grabby salutations from your eighth favorite site on the Internet, Dribbleglass.com. It's been awhile, but here's hoping you've managed to stay happy, healthy and perhaps even dry. With everything going on in the world, we could all use a few distractions, don't you think? Well, at Dribbleglass.com, distraction is our middle name. We can prove that. It's on our birth certificate. (Just ignore the White-Out.) Stop on by sometime: http://www.dribbleglass.com Click Here Let's move on to the having of the fun! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Plain or Peanut? Do you prefer plain or peanut M&Ms? Fill out this survey and get a $500 gift card! http://tinyurl.com/dd8r9 Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Pick Your Favorite: Staples, Office Max or Office Depot Get a $500 "Back to School Supplies" gift card by participating in a special promotion. http://tinyurl.com/d44uj Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Life isn't all about jokes. Just the good parts of life. At Dribbleglass.com, we've scoured the planet (and boy, are our arms tired) for the best jokes anywhere. Thorough review by our crack team of HAWs (Humor Agglomerating Workaholics) ensures you are about to receive the best humor experience possible, even if we made up that whole HAW thing. LIGHTBULB Q: How many perverts does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Just one, but it takes a surgical team to get it out. LAUGHTER A man walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for a pack of condoms. Paying for them, he bursts into laughter and walks out of the store. The next day, the guy comes in again, buys condoms, and again walks out laughing. Thinking this is somewhat strange, the pharmacist asks his assistant to follow the man if he comes back. Sure enough, the man comes in the next day and walks out laughing. This time the assistant goes after him, returning 20 minutes later. "So did you follow him?" asks the pharmacist. "Sure did," replies the assistant. "Where did he go?" asks the curious pharmacist. "Your house." HAMMERED A woman's husband comes home hammered every night and she always yells at him before going to bed alone. One day she decides to try some reverse psychology. When her husband staggers in that night, she's waiting for him in her best lingerie. She sits him in an armchair and gives him a backrub. "It's getting late, big boy," she says after a few minutes. "Why don't we go upstairs to bed?" "We might as well," slurs the husband. "I'm going to be in trouble when I get home, anyway." WALRUSES Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties? A: To find a tight seal. BLIND DATE After being with her all evening, the man couldn't stand another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to." NEW VEHICLE A couple had been debating buying a new vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports car. The couple fought endlessly about the issue. Everything she liked was out of their price range. "Look," she said. "I want something that goes from zero to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up, so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale. SUBSCRIPTIONS Steve and Cliff are having this talk. Steve says, "My wife lets me subscribe to National Geographic and Playboy for the same reason." Cliff says, "Why?" Steve says, "Because with both magazines, I get to see places I'll never get to visit." JUST HALF A drunk in a bar orders a beer, drinks half, then pours the rest on his hand. A few minutes later, the guy orders another beer and the bartender gets a little suspicious. Again, the drunk consumes half and then pours the rest on his hand. A short while later, the man orders yet another beer. The bartender finally asks, "Excuse me, sir, but what the hell are you doing?" The drunk, irritated, replies, "Can't you see that my date and I are trying to have a drink?" THREE BOYS A farmer had three lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up. The first boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're going steady, is she ready?" The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way. The second boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Joe, I'm here for Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The farmer called Flo and she and Joe went on their way. The third boy arrived in an old beat up pickup, came to the door and said: "Hi, I'm Chuck." The farmer shot him. Find more quality jokes we wouldn't dare tell our mothers right here: http://www.dribbleglass.com/jokes.htm ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Pranks are great, pranks are fun. Try the Witness Protection Program right after you play one. http://www.prankplace.com/cgi-bin/a.pl?prankpl&1191 Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Get A Free Sony Laptop Check it out! (Participation required.) http://tinyurl.com/de5u8 Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Haven't quite had your fill of diversion yet? Well, we've got just what you need. Unfortunately, we can't give you a backrub through a newsletter, so you'll have to settle for a batch of our world-renowned trivia. Bummer, huh? * There are about 180 million cell phone subscribers in the United States. * "Endytophilia" is the desire to keep one's clothes on during sex. * The average U.S. farm has 467 acres. The average Japanese farm has three acres. * There are 412 doors in the White House. * Experts insist bright blue cars and yellow cars are the safest to drive. * Oak trees are struck by lightning more than other trees. * The last word in the Old Testament is "curse." * According to a recent survey, 85% of streakers keep their shoes on. * Sweden made besti@lity legal in 1944. (Did that one make it past your spam filter?) * One million dollars in $1 bills would weigh 2,040.8 pounds. * Milk is the official drink of Louisiana. * There are 18 animals in the popular animal crackers known as Barnum's Animals. * There's a town in South Carolina called North. * Someone who uses as few words as possible when speaking is called "pauciloquent." Take a gander at more utterly useless trivia here: http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/trivia.htm ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Get Paid to Try New Products Get paid to try new products. Keep the products and get paid too! http://tinyurl.com/8ejm7 Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Five Books, Two Bucks Choose five children's books for $2, plus get a FREE gift. Click for details. http://tinyurl.com/8phos Click Here ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Wow, how do you have the free time to read this far? You must either be very organized and efficient, or you must be incarcerated. Either way, we appreciate your being one of our 34,992 subscribers. Honestly, you're our favorite. It feels like ages since we've heard from you, so feel free to drop us a line. Just as long as you're not writing to say, "Uh, could you possibly send out this stupid newsletter more than once every two months, jerkwads?" Well, you can send that, but leave off the "jerkwads" part. Drop us a line at webmaster@dribbleglass.com. We hope you've been finding ways of spreading laughter to those in need of laughter. Because, while laughter may not technically be the best medicine (Viagra wins, hands down), it's still a pretty good thing to share. Take a moment to do something kind today. A pat on the back doesn't cost anything, but it means a lot to the person with the back. If you're looking to do something financially selfless, you can: 1. Do what everyone else is asking you to do: http://www.redcross.org 2. Help a poor kid somewhere: http://www.dribbleglass.com/subpages/adopt.htm 3. Just click on a link that'll save an otter or something: http://oceans.care2.com Make a difference today. It doesn't have to be a giant difference. Remember that a butterfly moving its wings in China can create a hurricane in America. Uh, wait, come to think of it, those little bastards aren't being blamed at all for the mess in the New Orleans. (Heaven knows everyone else is.) All right, that's it. Do something kind today and prevent a hurricane by stepping on a butterfly! We always have to type a few words too many, don't we? Until next time, keep drinking deeply from the Dribble Glass of Life. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Classifieds Get your Degree Online Find the right school and degree for you. http://tinyurl.com/bmvpd Click Here ~*~*~*~*~* Turn Your Car Into Cash This offer pays you to drive. http://tinyurl.com/7aegn Click Here ~*~*~*~*~* Enter Now to Win a Flatscreen TV You're also eligible to win a laptop computer, an iPOD, $250 cash and a Playstation 2. http://tinyurl.com/8os64 Click Here ~*~*~*~*~* Stay a Full-Time Mom and Make a Full-Time Income Five things you can do to stay home with your kids and still make money. http://tinyurl.com/d3udb Click Here ~*~*~*~*~* Copy DVDs Flawlessly Inventory blowout on a ripper to let you make perfect backups of DVD movies and more. http://tinyurl.com/7uggy Click Here -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... 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